What has life been teaching me, My life Story

This will take Hours to read so be warned before u start reading For over a year i have been wanting to write a very long post about my life, about the ups and down and what i have learned and hope to learn as life goes on. Everytime i get into the headspace to write, i think that i shouldnt, just forget the past and live the life that i have slowly built. I have told many people on facebook and in the real world but its been driving me crazy that in order to A, get the help i need and B, try to move on in my own head i need to let myself and others know that even when mistakes in life are made, they are made for reasons and unless people know why people are the way they are, we often dont understand each other and therefore often look down on others and brand them names. So before i start this story of my life i wanted to let people know of a few things first so that people cant skip over it. Even though i will be opening up a ton about my life their are things that i can not mention, due to people who have known me in the past which most likely will want things removing from the post. This then makes it harder on both ends as then i dont see why i should be fully open about some things if i arent allowed to tell both sides of a story and make a overall opinion on the matter. So this is a post just about actions i have done and other important issues in my life that have made me the person i am now. This is not a feel sorry post, this is not a oh well u did this and this so why u trying to play the innconent part, because i know ive made bad mistakes and although i do somewhat argee that someone cant change, i think there are differences between someone who wont and someone who is trying everything to understand and learn from life. I understand from writing this there most likely will be a lot of hate, laughing from people who have taken the piss out of me in life or from my past, and from writing this i will give up my right of ever talking to my parents again. I will also warn that this post will most likely contain swearing as this will be a very draining and emotionial post, poor spelling and grammer. So lets begin From where it all started I was born in Nottingham, and from a very young age up until i was around 18, I had to live from seeing and hearing pysically and emtional abuse from my dad to my mum. Now you can imagine before i go into detail how much as a person that would affect me in terms of depression, but of course until i would say 5 years a go, i didnt think or knew anything about what that meant, as now days everything has a label to it. When i started primary school i had body issues, for the point of not really needing to know the grossness of it lets go with body issues. I remember for years being on different mediation, being ill in pain but never understanding why, as of course when your a kid your not really that understanding of the world yet alone yourself, ill explain more later on. I was heavily bullied for this and between home and school i felt very trapped, i remember running away from home a few times, which then made my dad mad, and gave more reason for him to abuse my mum. So i was always the quiet one, the nerd as society puts, it the outcast, the one that could be made fun of the most. When i started secondary school things just seemed to get worse, i was very overweight, my face was covered in spots, and i mean covered. I had to go to hospital to get special cream to help get rid of them which took over a year. If you havent started to have a clue about why my body was like this ??? Stress, is why. Back then again i didnt know why but as a much older and somewhat wiser person you start to understand about yourself better. I remember still always being trapped in my corner of life, playing playstation to shut out all the crap. If my dad wasnt abusing my mum, he would often reck the house, why? Many reasons, when he didnt want to hurt my mum he took it out on plates, pots, household items, you name it. Many christmases was ruin because he would smash the tree and other stuff when it stressed him out putting it up. He would smash plates with food on them when he was moaning the food was cold. all because he was to fat and lazy to go and help my mum, let her do all the work, to look at me and him, and when things was not his way he would show it. Many times when i tried to protect her he would ban me from using the playstaion as punishment for getting involed, same goes for getting dententions when i didnt do homework, and many other things. He would often yell at me and treat me like a worthless human to when i couldnt do something, saying at his age he should be able to tie laces. Of course a few people who did know me even a few years a go still try to take the piss because i still cant, rather then my dad and those who didnt understanding, taking the time to, or getting me booked in to get help from diagosing me if i had any learning issues, it was lets shout and take the piss. The police would often come out to speak to my dad but nothing was ever really done about it and well u can guess what happends when the person abusing knows your trying to get them done for it, if you watched tv shows over the years u can get the picture. So was being in secondary school changed anything for me over the years?? Well the problems at home got worse and worse, the bullying at school got worse, which lead me to staving myself in year 10 and 11 to feel the need to fit in. I remember from year 7 to 10 not even being able to run half a lap at sports day, to then being very under weight, bones showing, i think i was around 8 stone i think. I tried to do the 1,500 meteres at sports day in year 10 and still struggling a lot, due to having bad asthma but coming 4th and being able to complete it because of wanting to prove myself and the lost of the weight. I remember getting into fights, not real fights like proper punching, but just scrapping with bullies at going into year 11 my last year of school, i had enough of the crap. Of course i seem to be always in the wrong in those fights, lose the fight, be bullied more and get denetions because of it. I also became super talktive in lessons hanging out with so called friends that would always get me into trouble, but at that time my 15 year old self said it was better those friend then 0 friends. I tried to do a lot of sports in the evening as a distraction from home, at my local leisure centre. I was doing basketball, football, badmintion, swimming and golf, nearly everyday. Fun fact back then i had one sport like i do today where i could of played for a team and who knows gone places. This was badmintion, when i think at this moment how much i have been watching and learning about tennis to be able to play to the level i am at now, i dont even think i studied up on the game, i honestly think i just went there and had fun and according to the coach i was amazing at it?? lol. Fun fact 2, the most bizzare competition i have ever won was a beyblade Tournament that was happening at my school, yes i am a geek\ nerd at society puts it. Anyway back to where we was, so anyone does around those ages you start to feel emotions to people that then become crushes etc, my first school relationship, was always a off and on one, she never wanted us to kiss at school, she treated me like she didnt know me at school, and often didnt want to be going out with me then, did and so on i think we was on and off for 7 months. Even to go out with her i had to get her friends to tell her i liked it because i was a quiet shy stupid kid back then. Then one of my most dumbiest , embarrassing and most bulled moments was a silly card a V day, to another girl i had a crush on in year 10 i think, oh just so know no i wasnt with my so called girlfriend at the time as that was in year 9. I spent money on this over the top card, really dont ask me why i decided to write things like i really like u blalala, because even while i type this im just thinking just why daniel ??? So again i was to neverous to just give it to her, yet alone talk to her, so i gave it one of her friends, and the next things i know its taped to the science block for a school of 700 people to see. Not the smartest thing to do was it daniel, but hey least i want the sad twat who decided to that to me to make fun of me. Just goes to say no matter what any adult says to u as a kid, school is one of the worst things in life, because all school is, is a popluartity game, of whows better then who,. A place where, the cool kids\ gangester thugs\ wannabes, | fake people, get all the so called, as society puts it, the hot chicks and the nerds and geeks get bullied teased and toyed with from buliies and the so called hot chicks. below is going away for the main point above a bit but does hold value even in todays adult world, in terms of adults, its pretty much the same, just know its also on a online world, for example instagram, snapchat etc. Russel Howard often sums up things like this really well about fakeness, we are checking up on fake news from fake people, of which we then try to be like them to also then get fake people and fake attention. Guys with huge muscles goes for girls with lets face it as we all know its true big tits etc, doled up in makeup, spending hours putting fake crap on their body so then they can get the hunk guys and bad guys who try to act hard and gangester for a fuck. While the nerdy and geeky people get looked down on shame, and ive always said to people, u could be the best looking person in the world but if most fake and nastiest and have one of the worst personalitys i wouldnt touch u with a barge pole, just for a reference for later on, ive been called a barge pole because im to ugly according to a lot of females ive talked to online. personality will always win over looks, and to me weather your tall, small, weight more then a so called fake model, and not so called good looking in societys terms, i wouldnt care, a person should be judged on who they are personality wise, not on how big their dick is, or how big their tits are. Thats why life is much more demanding then it used to be because everyone is a lot more judged on how they look,. Back to where was. So yes school was the worst place for me i failed most of the subjects because i was put in the wrong class groups. prime example i was on target for c in year 10 in maths and then put in the group that played up the most and failed maths because i couldnt learn. The only good thing to ever come from school, was towards the end when once a week as part of my chocies of 3 subjects i was able to go to castle college once a week to learn basic music production. As i had always had a passion for music as a whole. The school never helped or knew if i had any learning issues so again in life i was tossed aside. so now that school was finally done it was time to focus on college. Just for referance when i say i was this age when this happened etc, things might not be spot on as im on filling in the gaps of things that i can remeber from my past. i had applied to do a small DJ course while waiting to start my level 1 music production as there was about 5 months gap from school to college. At this point im starting to become more self aware and i think i was either 16 and half or 17 when i finshed school. One day i got a message on Msn messager, remember the good old days of that haha. The message was from a group of so called friends i hanged out with at school asking if i was coming out to play football. I finally realised that my life had more worth then hanging out with bullies, so sent them a message basically telling them about how i felt they had treated me over the years and to fuck off. Well they decided it was so funny to print out a photo of me from my facebook, and then stick it on my house with writing on it calling me names. If you havent guessed it these people are the so called gangster \ cool kids. which like i said above oh so still goes on in life to many people. My dad didnt take kindly to this and went mad but just really showed what those lads really thought of me over the years. Many people are to scared to get rid of trash because they worried about poplauirty and being lonely. could say more but then ill be here all day. So now i got them out of my life i tried as much as possible to make that transiation between a teenager and an adult. I slowly stopped all sports to focus on college but life at home was still the same. I had a few different realanships that i broke off because i was in a circle of needing someone to be with to get away from home issues, but also not wanting them to be trapped with me knowing what i was going through, at that age you cant expect someone to help u through it as they might have their own family issues. i was a very broken and messed up kid not knowing what he wanted in life. Most of the days was either living in fear of what my dad was going to do or crying in my room. I still had no friends in my life as i tried to shut people out often focusing on listening to music making music, gaming, studying etc. A little backtrip now to why my dad was how he was and i think to this day still is. He was conviced he was dying, he would say this and shout this most days every year. He was conviced that the world was out to get him that the doctors wouldnt listen. his side of the family didnt want to talk to him because of how he was, he made people stay away because he was mad and unhappy all the time. Instead of getting psy help cant spell the full world but you know what i mean, and admiting he was sorry for what he was doing and wanted to get help he just took it out on my mum. Maybe who knows he might, cough might have something wrong, but in my opinon he likes to be in control and thats just who he is, he has the choice to get help and try to change his life or refuses to, remember what i said at the very start about 2 types of people the ones who will never change and the ones who try to. So one day i had enough i think i was 18 at this point, and ne day when my dad was starting i took my mum outside and said if you wont ring the police and deal with this i will. I think because i was the one to ring and basically say i cant cope anymore did they finally try to step in. This was when we was made homeless, OH u thought because he had been like this for 18 years he would have to leave nope sadly thats how this backwards messed up world is. The property was in my dads name go figures i did say he liked control, so because he refused to leave we had to. We had to coach surf with my mums sister i think it was for days while we battled with the conunil off which we was put into a sort of refuage for a week, of which we battled to get some of our belongings back while we waited to get into tempoarany housing. So yh more stress more depression, and of course which without knowing made me have more aniexty of people. Theres more to come yet, but this is why people dont often understand the way u are because peope now days dont take the time to understand people. Yes ive talked to people over the last few years about things but not as deep as i have been throughout this whole post i am writing. The judgement online to find my first proper Relationship So now im 19 , adult life starting trying to start a new just me, my mum and studying. Msn messager dying and was time to start finding someone to be with. I joined every chat and dating site possible, pof, tagged, bearshare which had a chat platform and many others. Now like i said about being judged on how you look comes into play. no matter how i worded my profile because people seem to think a profile is everything and if its not awesome your not and no matter what pics i put up i was always judged before a convo was even started. The exuses was as follows, to young. (your not my type),- worst exuse to tell someone ever. if your going to tell someone who you judged based on pics, lest tell them what they dont like. I only like tall guys, u have to much of a babys face, to uch of a geek, you have no muscles, you look creepy, you spotty cunt, goofy twat, u get the picture many insults ive had this mostly before a convo has started. So u can imagine from all the bullying at school and home problems i wasnt going to be the most confident person in the world was i. oh the best exuse before i forget i dont go for shy guys like wtf are u on, most people are bloody shy to start with unless your a gangster and over confident because you think shes super hot and just wanna bang her, i do know some people who are like that to cocky for their own good. so when u dont get looked down just to talk to them, then becomes the toying part. This is when u go to arrange a meet and u get the following, phone goes off for days then its oh sorry been in hospital, had this done to me about 5 times, the person has blocked u the day of the meet, the person says ive met someone better then u, or the worst one which i had twice done to me. Rings them up saying where are u and u hear the persons friens laughing and her saying as if i would meet u and starts name calling u. I would love to say that its normally just the because they are just young adults who dont know any better, but even to this day which ill explain later even older adults are just as patethic. So after all that i find the right person after a year of which we nearly didnt meet as i though she was another time waster, just turned out she was worried about her parents knowing. 2 weeks after it almost didnt happen we met with one of her friends and her brother as she wasto neverous about meeting on her own. she was also travelling from Grantham to Nottingham so now as an adult i can look back and understand that more So i honestly thought my life was back on track, my college course was going good, i had a test done and fount out i had mild dyslexic which i didnt know i had, so you know what could go wrong? well that would be my mum this time, she started to become vey demanding, we would aruge a lot, she expected me to pay for baord 20 a week when i had my own bills, wifi bill i had to pay for, phone contract, food while at college, things for college and of couse travel fair to come to grantham every 1-2 weeks to see my girlfriend. She never seemed happy with the person i was with, she wuld treat us both to a meal and then tell me after she lefted saying she could of offered to put money towards it, knowing full well she was near enough the same age as me, travelled from grantham and spent money on bus fair on top of that. One time we was out in Nottingham, and mum had treated me to chips, my girlfriend didnt want much food at wasnt hungry. so only had a few bits of mine. so what does my mum do, decides after shes gone to start on me because she thought she was being rude by not offering to pay just because she had like say e.g 5 chips. Like wtf planet u on, i know many different famlies have different perspectives over this. some people dont expect u to pay or offer help as u are the guest, some people expect u to bring wine for example over and im sure they are dififferent things people do, but to start over e.g 5 chips my god. Things got worse and worse and then one day my mum lost it. i was talking to my girlfriend online this was like months after we been going out. her parents had invited me to stay for the weekend. this was offered like at 10pm at night on a thursday, and i couldnt tell my mum as she was alsleep as she had work early mornings. I didnt manage to catch her in the morning so i left her a text and a note saying really sorry but cant pay board this week, the reason why as i couldnt afford it with having to pay for train fare. any normal parent might of been cross that it was late noice fair enough but would understand even more so since she knew this was my first proper girlfriend. But no she text me that night saying how dare i, saying that she didnt want me back, and after ringing her up and crying she kicked me out just because i didnt pay one week of 20 pounds. So this was now the second time of being homless. so now i had to get suppot from her paretns and my girlfiend. I had to make lots of trips from grantham to nottingham, as Grantham counil wouldnt take me as i didnt have a local connection. so nottingham counil put me ina one week hostel and i had to chase finding a place as the counil wouldnt sort me anything out. i was then in private rented with the worst expereience of housing in my life. My mum kept saying sorry but wouldnt let me back, we was on and off talking for months before i cut her out of my life. My dad saw me a few times in town tried talking to me saying what my mum did was wrong about kicking me out. i felt like saying coming rich from u but tried to blank him out of my life as i had enough to deal with. the house share i was in was one of the roughest, couples shouting at each other, water leaking all the time, loud music, a very dodgy landlord and for months i really struggled. I hardly was eating because i couldnt affod to, i got really bad stress part of me dad started appaearing in my personality, without me even knowing . i started shouting i would have bad panic attacks and couldnt cope, me and my girlfriend nearly broke up a few ttimes because i couldnt cope with her being around all this. I had so much hate towards my paretns, i had no friends, i was living with arseholes druggies, music etc no money to do things with my girlfirend , i had no help other then her. I had bad engry levels which was the first time i fount out about my vit d levels being low. But expect for that, no help was given, and of course i didnt know how to look for it. all that matter to me was my girlfriend which started a vey unhealtty obession over wanting to spend time with her. we struggled for about a year but eventually i moved over to grantham, in a 6 months privated rented place. life was good at that point body issues went away due to no stress and was mostly happy , i would have off dasys but back then i didnt think anything of it. we went on trips, spent time with her parents, and finally got a place together. so what started to go wrong? First off their was the pressure of work getting my first paid job. The music course was good but it got to stressful and hard when i started the national diploma and didnt think about it when i moved to grantham. My goal now was to get a job to live. i cant remmeber the right order but i think i had a cleaning job first, which reqaired using a buffer manchine. i really struggled so got let go after a month. second job early morning kitchen staff helping make sasuage rolls,sandwitches and stuff. struggled due to heat and to fast paced so got let go after 2 weeks. which then got me stressed, and wanted to go into my i cant deal with life zone. my depression started up again and i was bad for months. got more jobs and list them. My girlfriend was working a few days a week to help manage things. howeve she was often like me, didnt really spend time with her friends so we did spend a lot of time together. over time i got to content with the life we had which then led to aruging more over silly things me often shutting off as i couldnt deal with it and seeing the rage my dad had come out and then shutting away because of being scared of not wanting to turn ut like him. of course i still didnt go for help as i didnt know i needed it and also no help was ever gievn to me. Then at the start of 2016 we broke up after a massive arugement which was my fault and i got kicked out actions seemed to be repeating itself and i was made homeless again, this time of my own doing. At that point i had lost it, i was spiralling, i was full of emotions rage towards my dad because of how i let myself start to become like him, this was the first time in my life at 24 i was fully alone,no friends because i spent all my time being around just my girlfriend, no famaily, no help, yes i was homelsss because ofmy actions but if i had gone for help then maybe i wouldnt of been where i was. I managed to get into supported housing but nothing mattered to me anymore, i hardly was eating, i would spend hours emailing her crying, she wanted to move on but i couldnt. My suppot worker told me to stop emailing and to get help from the mental health services but it wasnt instant help it was just to be put on a waiting lisst.

so one day i just had enough and tried to be a coward and overdose my self on tablets,and self cutting i was in hopsital for 3 days and it was the worst expereince one that afte i got out said to myself i never want to put myself in that place again. I didnt self harm again or overdose but i was being sick and crying all day and yes still emailing her. i was letting myself fade away and i didnt care. i got cautions from the police for harassment and for a while i backed off. This was for about a month as my support worker really tried to ffocus my attention on something i could turn into a business as i mentioned a lot that i was into video editing and music. i focused on going through the princes trust talked to someone about websites, business cards etc. it never felt truly what i wanted to do but needed a outlet as all i was doing all day is not really coping. had to travel to lincoln from 7am for 5 days straight and not get back till 5pm so again i always made sure i kept myself distraccted by listening to music or playing games on my ipad. i struggled with it all i even went to a couple networking events with the person helping me with my business start up. Then something happend which if shes happening to read this next part, bare in mind ive been open enough to admit my mistakes, and much like yourself have probs kept emails as proof, and ith starting a business up i needed to as well. so my ex decided to like one of my tweets which was a pic of me at a networking event. i only knew about this because i had the opition ticked on twitte to get emails when someone follows , likes rettweets etc. so i was thinking why is she liking my tweet when she clearly doesnt want me to have contact with her. so i let it lside thinking it was a mistake to then a few days later get another email from another like from her, on a different tweet. so u do what anyone would of done you either leave it be or message the person. i got no repsonse and then because it got to me so much i couldnt let it go so sent about 6-7 emails in the space of a week. next things i know i get a knock on the door from the police, and been arested for harshment, which to be fair they did say after giving me 2 warnings if i didn message her again i would be arsted for it so i printed out the email i got, which shows the persons display pic the name, time stamap of the email and tweet. my ex denied it, and i was held overnight and then made to go to court over a month later. i think in a way karma was there because of my own actions which lead to being kicked out and of course not letting it go, but i just dont get to this day why play a silly game to get me to court, i guess she wanted me to kind of pay up for my actions and i did and because of that scare it pushed me to really have to turn things around in my life. i got 12 months whee i couldnt go into her work or speak to her etc as i would go to prison if i carried on. I never meant things to go so wrong and there isnt a day where i wish i could make things right but at that stage i had to move on. The help from the mental health team came just before the court date which by then of course was to late, maybe if i got help sooner i wouldnt of been in that place over 5 months i had to wait for it. I had 3 months of counslleing once a week, gave up on my business and fount a love for photography as it got me at the house most days, as i had got the money from the princest trust. in august 2016 i notice a leaflet while getting help, about a tennis project funded by the nhs. Me being into sports while i was at school and never really having any friends to be with, i thought this might be a good place to start. and for that 12 weeks of funded sessions it started to change me, i fount something i was good at, i fount people who didnt judge me, i was learning about myself through it and the counsiling and trying to in a sense make up for all the years i kept myself away from people which was my own fault. at the same time i hated my body so joined a gym just anything to get me out the house as i wasnt crying everyday but i still couldnt contol my depression. i tied to join meetups groups around lincosnhire for meals out but stopped doing it as i couldnt affod it and also i cant handle being around groups of people, i much pere talking to people 1 to 1. I didnt really talk much off court while playing and learning tennis, although i fount myself letting eveything go while on the court, being happy, being confident being talktive. i gave everything every session because its all i had, i also had no one to say well done daniel or hows your day etc so for some reason wanted to prove to myself that i could change and that my life was not going to be living like my dad. it wasnt as such a ego thing it was more well what is my life,what things can i do, what things cant i do, i had to basically teach myself how to be an adult. The counsilling i had told me that my brain was acting 10 years younge then my age because at heart i was and still am a kid, i havent got the full expereince i should of had to learn the imprtant things about life. so now everything being crammed at once and i often cant take the stress of life which is where my depression keeps kicking in and out. again things i should of learned i am having to self teach myself as i go. into 2017 and i get put on anti depressants, pushed aside for learning issues which people around me seeing me from day to day can see i have. my support worker thought i might have dypraxia which is to do with dropping things poor coordination, communation between body and brain not working as it should. which would explain why i find small twisty movement like tieing laces hard to do and other things, things that my dad shuld of thought about but instead yelled at me for. most of who i am to a point bearing in my mind i have controol over my own actions as well has been his fault. Eveyday in 2017 was still a struggle i got over stressed because i was being pushed from one post to another in terms of getting the right kind of help, but whenever i was pushed down i got back up and poured that into tennis into gym. I poured my heart into photography and tried to learn about it help at events, but that took a lot of troll and stress. computer kept crashing then my camera, then the editing software, i had to go to pubs to upload as i was on limited data as the supported housing i was in wasnt alowed to have wifi installed. Then 2018 exploded as to this day even while i write this im like just how did i ever do it. My tennis grew so fast to the point i was playing 4-5 times a week and being asked to play for a team, The gym had compeitions which made me go to the gym 4-5 times a week as well. i was super active was doing running as well now and then. depsite it being the best and most achievments and most stength ive ever had it never seemed enough. Days where i would be in so much pain because ive pushed myself to the limit doing 3 hours of tennis and a hour -2 of gym later that day. No matter what i did the highs brought the lows i would be supper happy playing tennis get home and get home feeling like i wanted to cry, then forcing myself to the gym anything to feel that happeniess again and my body often paid for it. i won competions that year that meant something because it wasnt just a silly kids toy game it was based on my fitness my health and my strength, i was on the radio because of the invoolment around tennis, i had interviews so i should of been happy? So what happended in 2019? well feeling like i was after the breakup bit by bit. Nothing changed in my life to affect a change in my life, but for some reason every few weeks the drive went, the anger came more and more at myself. I couldnt do gym classes as well as i could, i was in more pain then i was last year, i played a few team games as lost it, the pressure got to me and playing serious tennis was not enjoyable to me, i was playing my worst tennis ever i would spend days not doing anything after it because i was so depressed. I would have god days at the gym and at tennis but the bad was slowly starting to outweight that. The doctors wouldnt listen and kept giving me vit d tablets and had no help from the mental health services. This year ive gone from 5 days tennis and gym to barley 1 of each most weeks, im trying at the moment to fight back as i want 2020 to be the comeback but this year to me has just be a waste. The more i dont get help the more i feel whats the point i also have a feeling i know why oveall i dont enjoy tennis or gym as much as i used to. 1. is my fitness and health 2. not getting the help i need but the most important fun and new ? when i got into tennis and gym is was a way out a fresh start soemthing to say daniel u messed up but u know have to prove you can change thigns around. I am becoming content with life again because its become a pattern the same pattern and no matter how hard i try i cant get out of it. my self worth is gone and is replaced with anger that everything ive worked towards is sipping away. and it made me realise something the other week what do i do, i cant seem to get the help in lincolnshire because of the services however its been the community thats kept me going, thats helped me grow as a person as if i ever moved to somwhere that has better healthcare services i would then lose the community and everything that put my life back on track, so again in life i feel trapped. people can think of me how they want people can hate me, lok down on me, talk behind my back, but i would like to think that ive tried to do something about how my life was to understand learning from life mistakes, we as humans make mistakes all the time, we also have also got something new to learn and to be challenge on everyday. and things do happen for a reason i just wish at ties i had more control over my life as the last thing i want is to become like my dad the very thing i hate so much. and its good that services are now in places to help kids a lot younger but i do feel help kind of stops when you become an adult , i feel that kids like myself back then dont have a clue what goes on and i think as adults we have so much more to worry and to learn and to take repsonablity for so we need help just as much as kids do , if it wasnt for projects like the tennis club have done, or challenges at the gym i go to i can imagine my life just drifting off and not acheving anything in life. everything happends for a reason much like writing this ive spent till 5am writing this of which someoene was banging around outside which would of waked me up so im glad i was able to stay up and get this finally done. if u have read it all well done lol and i hope this

understands that everything we do has a knock on efect as i think if u have a bad childhood it can often change who u will become and who u will then become that will only change once you have known who u had become in orde to change that